An Email from a close friend

Hey,

How are you doing??? I guess youre off being pretty busy again eh..hehehe...=)

You know I got back from my first race of the season this year and once again Im confused between the feelings of joy and depression.

Once again the race didnt go quite as planned. I swam pretty ok, biked real hard and well and after 2 laps of the 4 laps run I cramped up very very very badly. Every step hurt -like a bitch and I had to limp/run/walk along. It was so so easy to just throw in the towel and nothing I did seemed to make those cramps go away. I lost probably about 10 mins on the last 2 laps because of the cramps that came along in the leg.

However, because I managed to hang in and dig really deep, I managed to make it to the finish line in top 20 (when I could have easily made top 10 given a cramp free day) and about 10 mins off my goal time. I also managed to come in first for the men's 20-24 amateur race. However there is this sense of sadness and depression in not making my time targets. And I also felt that Ive let my coach down in some ways though he says dont worry about it as this will give us something to work on over the coming weeks. Even though ppl tell me its ok thigns happen, the sense of not living up to a certain standard gets to me a lot, and I feel that Ive let a lot of people down over the last year.

Im depressed and at the same time also elated to have managed to dig so deep. I swear this was the toughest thing I ever did so far in any race Ive done.

Im not sure whether I should - be happy because I managed to dig super deep and fight my way through the pain not giving in

or

Be sad coz I missed my time targets that I worked so hard for, puting in 25-30hr training weeks over the last 6 weeks and training hard over the last few months to get that target that was so close and I was on course for during the first two laps.

I dont know...what do you think? Well at least now I know no other race will ever be as hard as this one..I hope..

Hope youre doing well my friend
take care
Yuen

And the reply was

Hey hey,

was actually thinking of what were you up to recently but hehe.. never really had the chance to sit down and write to you.

so here it is, CONGRATS!

well, i think you did very well and proved that mental strength can overcome physical fatigue, and by doing so, you still came out good with results that many others were vying for. if you had thought about this race not only as a test of your physique, but also a challenge to your inner well being, you'll find that you've crowned yourself a champion by showing yourself how much control you have over your body when you put your mind to it.

there is no reason to feel sad. by feeling sad, you are actually abusing your emotional health that actually played a large part of helping you make it through this race. this unfair treatment must stop. continuing to dwell in these thoughts only shows how much you do not understand (or how much you are refusing to understand) your body even after all those training! this is what i see: if you haven't had invested so many hours into training, you wouldn't have been able to conjure such strength (both mentally and physically) after your cramp and to be so adamant about not throwing in the towel. those training made able this feat, and that has to be celebrated!

as much as your coach has invested his time and hope in you, the only standards that were set, were by yourself. from your words, you already know although you feel that you have let down your coach, it matter greater when you felt that you have let down yourself. so, make this paradigm shift!

sports was never about time. time was just a device which we, humans use to "calculate" the well being of our physique. you, as a sportsman, should know that it is much more than that. it's about testing the physical limits of the body (not against otime) but against your mental strength. and you have proved that and should be rightly proud of yourself.

and there's one thing you have to learn about yourself, that is what your limits lie. do not build your standards upon what you feel are others' expectations. learn what you can and cannot do. being ambitious is good, but being realistically ambitious is even better. this, is my comment towards what you said about feeling that you've let down many people over the last year.

you're one of the people that i worry most, because although knowing that you have great physical strength, your emotional health often takes the blow when things doesn't turn up the way you envisioned it to be. so buck up! you will do yourself such justice when you can finally understand yourself.

hmm.. not sure whether you understand what i meant. english vocab shrinking in an alarming rate. gah.

well, you take care ok?

Well to the person who wrote the email back (you know who you are..assuming you still read this blog but I'll watch out on the counter). Thank you so much for this amazing advice that I found somewhat appropriate to share with other people in hopes that it might help them out with their own troubles in life. Hopefully you'll (and everyone out there) will always live a life that's full of joy and happiness!

Yuen